First: Redefine what “trusting yourself” actually means

Self-trust is not:

  • Believing things will always work out

  • Forcing optimism

  • Being emotionally numb

  • Avoiding attachment

    Self-trust is:

  • Knowing you can feel disappointment without collapsing

  • Knowing you can self-soothe instead of self-abandon

  • Knowing you can respond, not react

  • Knowing you won’t betray yourself to avoid loss

    This is why self-trust lives in the body first, then the mind.

    Step 1: Separate intuition from fear-based prediction

    Most people think they “don’t trust themselves,” but what’s actually happening is:

    they are assuming “trusting themselves” is about making the right decision

    they don’t know how to regulate - understand when you are triggered vs. when its intuition.

    They aren’t yet familiarrr with checking into the body Practice:
    When a thought arises about an outcome, ask:

  • Is this calm or urgent?

  • Is this information or protection?

  • Does this expand me or contract me?

  • WHAT AM I AFRAID WILL HAPPEN IF I DON’T THINK THIS WAY

    You don’t need to stop the thought. You’re training discernment.

    Why this builds trust:
    You stop confusing anxiety with insight.

    Step 2: Build evidence that you can survive emotional discomfort

    Your nervous system trusts proof, not affirmations. Every time you:

  • don’t send the reactive text

  • sit with uncertainty for a few deep breaths

  • let someone be unclear without chasing

  • feel disappointment without numbing

    You are collecting evidence.
    Practice:
    After a difficult moment, without immediate reaction or overanalyzing: Recognize--- “I stayed. I didn’t abandon myself.”

    Then give yourself a small reward. (This helps with associations) New behavior → positive state
    instead of Old behavior → relief

    Why this works:
    Old patterns (overthinking, reassurance-seeking, avoidance) exist because they were paired with relief at some point—even if the long-term cost was high

Your body learns: I don’t need control to survive. Step 3: Stop outsourcing safety to outcomes

Self-trust collapses when safety depends on:

  • being chosen

  • reassurance

  • clarity

  • guarantees

  • perfect timing
    Instead, safety must come from self-response.
    Practice:
    Ask yourself:
    “If this doesn’t go the way I want... how will I take care of myself?” Not will I be okay — how will I respond.
    This shifts trust from the future to your capacity.

    Step 4: Repair the relationship with your protective mind

    That part of you that imagines worst-case scenarios isn’t broken. It learned that preparedness = survival.

    Practice:
    When catastrophic thinking appears:

  • “I see why you’re trying to protect me.”

  • “You don’t have to work so hard right now.”

  • “I can handle discomfort.”

    You don’t argue with fear.

You re-parent it.

Important:
Self-trust grows when protection feels heard, not silenced.

Step 5: Practice emotional follow-through

Most people lose self-trust not because of outcomes—but because they abandon themselves emotionally afterward.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I judge myself when I feel hurt?

  • Do I rush to “move on”?

  • Do I minimize my own pain?

    The goal isn’t to judge yourself regarding the answers to these questions, the goal is to practice warm, curiosity every step of the way.

    Step 6: Train nervous-system

    You want a nervous system that can:

  • feel disappointment without collapse

  • feel uncertainty without urgency

    Practices that help:

  • slow exhales (longer out-breaths)

  • body scans

  • humming or low-frequency sound

  • grounding touch (hand on chest/abdomen)

  • time-limited worry windows

    This is why regulation comes before confidence.

Step 7: Replace outcome attachment with identity trust

Instead of:
“I’ll be okay if this works out.”
Shift to:
“I am handling what comes my way”

(When you tell yourself, ‘I’m handling this,’ ‘I’m figuring it out,’ or even ‘I’m curious about this challenge,’ your brain organizes itself around those words. Language activates specific neural pathways and chemical responses)

Step 8: Integrate this truth

Take slow intentional steps towards building this trust. Build awareness around the triggers and overthinking. Learning to pause and lovingly assess. You will get in the habit of doing this and a beautiful new relationship starts to unfold.

What changes when this lands

  • Overthinking decreases

  • Urgency softens

  • Attachment becomes cleaner

  • Anxiety loses authority

  • You stop chasing certainty

  • You stop needing reassurance

    You feel grounded even while caring deeply